So, I'm in the terminal waiting for my plane to leave for Madrid. Already, a day has gone by in travel. Left from Albuquerque at 7:30 mountain time and arrived in Chicago around 11:00 central time. My lay-over here has been about five hours so far and there's another solid hour before the plane will actually be off the ground. Touch down in Spain should be tomorrow morning around 8:00 CET, rounding the trip to twenty-four hours. Then, I have a lay-over at the Madrid-Barajas Airport until midnight the following morning, a period of time that, once through customs, doesn't allow for finding a hotel room but is too long to stay cooped up in the airport. Maybe I'll be able to find something to do, although I do have to consider the surplus store that I'm carting with me: a total of 150 lbs of gear. Boarding the midnight flight, I'll head South, over the Sahara (too bad we'll be passing in the night because I bet the desert is a sight from 30,000 feet), Eastern Africa and Botswana to Johannesburg, South Africa. Spend the night at the Southern Sun Hotel in Kempton Park. Next morning, board the last flight and finally arrive in Maun, Botswana around 12:00 a.m.
"Whoa." said Keanu Reeves.
That's four days of travel through three cities. It tends that the higher the ratio of time to cities during air travel, the more agonizing the journey. Let's call this the Snail Shell Principle (the larger the disparity between a snail and its shell, the more time it will likely spend at rest due to the strain of its resting mechanism, thus the irony of the aforementioned ratio is repeated; for shouldn't a trip split between fewer cities over a larger span of time be more relaxed? No. It doesn't work that way.)
So, being faced with the prospect of the Snail Shell Principle, how will I handle this trip? Will I simply give in and curl up in the shell? No! That would make me a schmoe. Maybe if I was rich and had the money to travel all the time I would have the luxury of being a wimp but I'm not and...I'm not. I have to enjoy as much of this trip as I can. Have to be thrifty with my travel experiences.
Thus, I must adapt and develop a survival strategy. Some people drink themselves stupid on the first leg of their trip and just ignore the Snail Shell. Others talk...a lot...to anybody...about anything...everything...terribly awkward things...(Sorry guy on my last flight, I don't want to play Siggy Frued with you but, yes, I do think your unhealthy stream of sexual conquests stems from abandonment issues. Or, maybe you're just an asshole.)
Eh, these are temporary solutions. What happens when the drinker sobers up (want a Tylenol?) What happens when the talker runs out of people to talk to? Or gets spit on?
Answer: doom.
A lasting solution is preferable. Here are five things that I have found to be incredibly helpful shell shucking strategies:
5. Ration sleep for yourself.
If you have the discipline to commit to sleeping when the folks in your final destination are sleeping, good on you. Usually, I can fall asleep whenever I want to, especially when it's dark out. Never really had a problem with jet-lag. When I do think that I'm going to need to sleep during a period when I don't normally and I want to make sure that I can I use caffeine. Yes, the dreaded crash after guzzling a 20 oz. Redbull can be useful. Use the sugar high to keep yourself awake in the airport, then crash on the plane. Or vice versa, depending on what you find more comfortable. I know this tip won't be endorsed by any medical professionals but it works for me.
4. Use music.
The first time Bill Gates ever saw an iPod, it was shown to him by a reporter writing a story for Steve Jobs on the new invention. Gates remarked that it was brilliant and then excused himself to make a phone call. Maybe "Zune" was the sound that Gates heard in his head at that moment as he realized that his rival had just made one of the biggest technological innovations ever. I would argue that the iPod has changed global consciousness. With the ability to listen to any song that we want to from our entire music library anywhere that we want to has come a new era of conceptualization of the world through those songs. I'm sure anyone scaling Mt. Everest these days has an "I'm King of the World" playlist (personally, I would play the theme from Lion King when I reached the summit and whisper to myself, "One day, all this will be yours."). When you're feeling the drag of travel throw on some pump up music to keep on keepin' on. When you need to relax throw on some Miles Davis or Thelonius Monk and stay cool.
3. Stay fresh.
You may not be able to shower on a long haul or change into a new outfit but you can still carry a toothbrush and a 2 oz. tube of toothpaste, run some water through your hair and reapply deodorant. Any way to keep feeling new as you fall into the time-warp of crossing time zones will crush the Snail Shell. Especially the deodorant thing. ESPECIALLY THE DEODORANT THING. Planes are tight spaces and I get why some people don't wear deodorant but a. Aluminum zirconium trichlorohydrex is only in antiperspirants and b. there's a certain amount of decorum that should be observed in situations like this so that everyone can have a nice flight. Seriously, don't be that guy.
2. Stay hydrated.
Water lost from your body during periods of stress is life lost from your body. Guzzle that H2O. You may have to say "excuse me" to your neighbor on the plane more often than usual but it's worth it.
1. Wash your face and change your socks.
I was going to put this under "stay fresh" but it needs its own category. I don't know why this works so well but it does. I have found that if I can do nothing else, as long as I wash my face and change my socks when I start to feel weighed down, I'm ready to go another round. Trust me, try this.
Crack on adventurers.
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